“Too often, we are complicit in our own oppression.” In her latest book, Fired Up, the founder of Moms Demand Action urges women to ask themselves every day, “What do I want?”
Shannon Watts—founder of Moms Demand Action, a 13-year-old grassroots organization that advocates for common-sense gun safety laws—knows what it means to take personal and political risks.
Her second book, Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, is part memoir and part inspirational self-help tract. Her goal? To encourage women “to live a life on fire.”
Throughout the book, Watts outlines her personal trajectory and describes her transition from a stay-at-home mother of five into a nationally recognized activist and gun-safety expert.
This turn, she writes, followed the murder of 20 children and six adults at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., on Dec. 14, 2012.
Almost overnight, a comment she posted on Facebook to demand government action to rein in gun violence went viral and led to the formation of an online discussion group. In short order, Moms Demand Action—now a 10-million-strong women-led organization, with chapters in all 50 states—was born.
The group’s meteoric rise taught Watts several things, among them that combining values, abilities and desires is a recipe for fulfillment. This lesson is at the core of Fired Up.
“Society knows exactly what would happen if women were allowed or encouraged to want: The world would come undone. Without the mental and physical energy of women propping up the system, governments would fail, institutions would crumble, and traditional family systems would fall apart,” she writes in the book.
Watts spoke to Ms. reporter Eleanor J. Bader about the book in early July.
Editor’s note: For anyone in Los Angeles on July 10, join Ms. staff and supporters at Ms. magazine HQ (433 S Beverly Dr, Beverly Hills, Calif.) for a special discussion with Shannon Watts, moderated by Jennifer Weiss-Wolf, about harnessing your potential, living without fear and coming alive at any age. Books will be available for purchase on site and a book signing will follow the discussion. RSVP here.
Eleanor J. Bader: In addition to telling your own story in Fired Up, you interviewed more than 70 diverse women, some famous and some not, who have “caught fire.” These women were able to reimagine their lives and forge a meaningful path for themselves. How did you find these women?
Shannon Watts: I was an activist with Moms Demand Action for more than a decade. During those years, I met women from all walks of life. When I began writing Fired Up, I knew I wanted to tell different stories, so I started by reaching out to women I already knew. I later contacted different groups and asked them for help finding women whose experiences could illustrate a particular issue or behavior I wanted to highlight.
Bader: The book is highly critical of both patriarchal and capitalist power structures, but the word “feminism” is not used. Was this a conscious choice?
Watts: I’ve been a lifelong feminist. I remember when I was 9, someone gave me a T-shirt that said “Girls Can Do Anything That Boys Can Do.” I was shocked to learn that some people did not believe this. My whole aura is about summoning the audacity of other women and making sure that they get into leadership positions and live authentically. If I didn’t use the word “feminism,” it’s likely because it’s assumed. It’s implicit in being fired up.
If you look at the history of activism, women have always been the secret sauce—the frontline organizers in the women’s suffrage, civil rights, environmental and gun safety movements.
Shannon Watts
Bader: Fired Up encourages women to find their passion. As you write, “No one is on earth to simply exist.” At the same time, you’re clear that “white patriarchal, capitalist society” works overtime to derail women from becoming “firestarters,” people who recognize what “lights them up.”
Watts: When I headed Moms Demand Action—I left in 2023—a lot of women came into the organization with incredible skill sets that were grounded in their values. But they were typically trepidatious about expressing their passions. Women are socialized to dot every I and cross every T before they feel ready to move forward. We know the system—patriarchy, capitalism, male supremacy—is set up to stand in our way.
My goal is to encourage women to be audacious, bold. I want to help them know their desires. It can be challenging.
In general, men are socialized to fulfill their desires, while women are socialized to fulfill their obligations. I want women to understand that they have the right to think about what they want to accomplish and can spend the time necessary to consciously determine what they want for themselves.
Bader: You encourage women to “give no fucks” when it comes to going after their desires. At the same time, however appealing this can seem, most of us have family and work obligations that require us to listen to others, meet deadlines and pay attention to what’s happening around us. There are obviously no formulas, but how do we balance “giving no fucks” with being responsible?
Watts: I refer to this as the double bind of fucks-giving! Women are supposed to give all the fucks we have to the world, to our families, and to our jobs. If we draw the line and set boundaries for our availability, or take time for ourselves to figure out what we want and then go after it, there is often blowback.
We need to anticipate that some people will be outraged and call us selfish and entitled. This response can trigger feelings of guilt and shame. I’m not sure that there is a way to stop these feelings from emerging, but I do know that blowback is predictable. If we know in advance to expect it, we may be able to steel ourselves from its impact.
Blowback can take many forms. As the head of Moms Demand Action, I got death threats and was threatened with violence. People who are not public figures but who opt to do something that honors their values, skills, and desires will likely face nasty comments. I include examples in Fired Up and hope that reading about how other women have handled verbal put downs and worse will be helpful.
Bader: How can women be encouraged to stake out time and space for themselves to figure out what they want their lives to look like?
Watts: We will likely never get rid of the “shoulds” that restrict women. At the same time, I’ve learned that the way most women deal with the shoulds is different from the way most men deal with them.
Too often, as women, we are complicit in our own oppression. We need to ask ourselves the same question each and every day: ‘What do I want?’ If we did this, it would alter family systems and political systems.
I want to shift the paradigm and encourage women to ask themselves what they want their legacy to be. When we get to the end of our lives, I hope we will all have lived in a way that is authentic to us.
Bader: What does authenticity mean to you?
Watts: I talk to women about this all the time. For most, it’s not about starting an organization. Being authentic may be as simple as starting a hard conversation or choosing to do something that they see as important. It may be finding the confidence to leave a marriage, as I did, or asking for a promotion at work. I encourage women to use their voices in and outside of activism.
I was raised in a very Catholic family, and my relatives were disappointed when I got divorced. But I saw making this change as necessary. Still, I recognize that taking action involves risk. I also understand that finding a path to your ideal life is not going to happen overnight.
In general, men are socialized to fulfill their desires, while women are socialized to fulfill their obligations.
Watts
Bader: What factors do you see as most responsible for holding women back?
Watts: I wish we lived in a society in which women had more authority. I do think we’ll get there, but at the moment, women hold just 25 percent of the country’s elected positions and are just 5 percent of the CEOs in corporate America. Women are still not making the policies that impact their families. This holds us back.
Bader: Education can give kids the tools to see themselves as change makers and confident leaders. How can we encourage young girls and teens to figure out what they want and go after it?
Watts: Moms Demand Action started Students Demand Action after the Parkland shooting in 2018. We’ve made it easy for kids to get involved. I also know that when kids see the adults in their lives working on something they’re passionate about, it influences them.
Unfortunately, given the current administration, it seems unlikely that public schools will do anything to make our kids more socially aware or engaged. We, as parents, have to be the owners of this and influence how our kids see the world.
In addition, we need to encourage young women to run for office. The average age for women candidates is 47. Women often feel they can’t run until their kids are older, but there is no reason that 20- and 30-something women can’t become candidates.
Actually, if you look at the history of activism, women have always been the secret sauce, the frontline organizers in the women’s suffrage, civil rights, environmental and gun safety movements. Women are well-positioned to be the bravest, most badass and effective organizers possible. We have ample role models.
Democracy is a long game. Women throughout history have been imprisoned for demanding the right to vote and for demanding civil and human rights. Organizing for women’s equality and fulfillment is a marathon, not a sprint. In the end, incrementalism can lead to revolution. I believe in the need to be pragmatic while simultaneously summoning women’s courage and dreams for a better future.
RSVP for Shannon Watts‘ book launch celebration at the Ms. magazine offices in Los Angeles on Thursday, July 10.
